This outline for a self-esteem session has been put together and run by Marijke Kempson. It has been run as an additional session after our Parent Assertiveness Programme, but it could be introduced as follow-up to any course - after all, we could all do with the encouragement that comes from a better self-image…

Self Esteem Lesson plan. by Marijke Kempson Session length: 2 hours

Introduction: Will be a very full session so please do not be offended if I seem to keep moving things on. Can only really be an introduction to the subject. It may bring things to light which can be worked on more fully in the future with a close friend or counsellor. Could be quite a difficult session for some people but I hope that they will feel that what comes to light can be used towards their personal growth and wholeness.
Resources needed: Plain paper and pen for each person.

10 mins: Whole group ice-breaker - to get to think about something about ourselves and to get to know each other better.
Each person to say 2 things which might possibly be true about them e.g. I have run a marathon. I like eating cheese and chocolate together.
Get the group to guess which one is the correct one.

10 mins: What is self-esteem? (Whole group question)
Ans: Your own opinion of yourself and your worth
We are all different personalities. Some people tend to naturally be optimistic and feel good about themselves and life in general. Others have a tendency to be more negative about life and themselves. However, our environment is likely to have played some part in our view of ourselves.

10 mins: If a Martian were to eavesdrop on our TV/radio programmes what would they think that our society considers as making you of worth ( money, looks, being a good talker, youth etc?) Group work in groups of 3 or 4
Discuss what these things are and if you agree with these values. Discuss whether you think a person's value changes if they get promoted or demoted or get older. Do you think we are all equal? What do you think makes you a person of worth? (Good relationships/knowing ourselves to have integrity/be reliable)
Group feedback (5 mins)

20 mins: Influences on our lives. (Paired work)
Intro: (5 mins) Spend a few minutes reflecting on our childhood. Even from early on we were beginning to form opinions about ourselves and whether we felt acceptable or not. Some of us may have been fortunate to have a lot of positive influences from parents, teachers etc. Others have received a lot of negative input which, without it necessarily being recognised, can have helped to cause a sense of being inferior to others. It is thought that our position in the family can have a bearing on the way we are treated or if we were a different gender to the one our parents wanted us to be.
(15 mins)In pairs, take turns to talk about one situation where you were encouraged, how that made you feel and how you reacted. Then take turns to talk about a situation where you were discouraged or put down, how you felt and how you reacted. (This may help you to understand some of the negative influences in your life. It is best, however, to avoid anything that is very painful to talk about - if you think of something very painful, it is better to make time later to talk about it with someone who can listen well. Focus now on something that is not so hurtful.)

25 mins: Ways to raise self-esteem (Tutor) (Stop after each one and allow discussion if required)

We have looked at what self-esteem is. I would now like to look at ways to raise it.

• We have mentioned that good relationships are one of the main things which gives us good self-esteem. Let's think about our relationships and how many of them build us up. I'm not suggesting that we run away from any negative relationships but that we try to be around positive influences where possible. Maybe we need to join a new social group -eg a new day or evening class to break out of a rut of being with the same people who see us in a certain way. If we have difficult relationships, have we perhaps been passive in dealing with abuse and criticism and now need to deal more assertively when situations occur? Maybe we need to talk to a good friend or counsellor about the things we have identified as having contributed towards giving us a negative self-image.
  
• Our attitudes towards others affects what you think about yourself. If you accept others for who they are, you are much more likely to feel able to accept yourself and also to feel that others accept you (eg of when I was a teenager and mimicked others - was a laugh but I felt insecure thinking that others would be doing this of me - like gossip). When we give positive encouragement it helps others with their self-esteem, encourages good relationships and makes you feel more positive. We all have opportunities to encourage others in our daily lives especially if we are around children at all.
  
• What you believe affects what you think of yourself eg you can be beautiful but not feel good about your looks if you believe that you are worthless. Examine in the light of today why you may have such negative feelings about yourself and challenge them. Others tend to treat you the way you treat yourself - the confident person who has a laugh with people tends to get a positive response. The person who seems scared to speak to people can be in danger of being walked on.
  
• Think about the image you portray in whether you smile or frown. Do you dress in colours that suit you and in a way which reflects your personality or have you not given thought to that before? Do you plunge in to conversations or think before you speak?
  · Base your self-esteem on truth. We will get knocked down if we believe we are excellent at something for which we have no talent. Know you good and bad points.

15 mins: Our response (Individual work)
Hand out plain paper and pen to everyone.
Introduction: Imagine that you have been approached by the head of the personnel department of your work or local community centre. They have hand-picked you for a very important assignment.
You have been seen to be someone who is an encourager. By this they mean that you are good in seeing the good in someone, commenting on it and encouraging the person to do even better things. However, you are also good at seeing someone's weaknesses and challenging them about them in a very positive and supportive way and offering suggestions as to how they might be able to change those things. When they have an 'off' day and mess up badly, you are patient and continue to believe in them.

You are flattered at being asked to do this job. You are then told that the person you are to mentor is yourself!

(7 mins)Write down as many things about yourself that you like even slightly (you will not be asked to show these sheets to anyone) Acknowledge to yourself that they are positive things. Write down ways you can encourage the development of these things.
Then write down things you don't like about yourself. How could you take steps to overcome those things?

Ensure that the positive list is much longer than the negative eg 2:1. If you need encouragement for things to write, ask me or someone you know, even vaguely.

(7 mins) In twos, share one thing from each list.

Relaxation (5 mins)
Ask people to close their eyes - talk through the body relaxation exercise. Suggest they think of somewhere lovely they have visited or a really happy occasion they once attended. Leave behind the tensions of the session.

Feedback
Complete feedback forms for the session.

Click here to download doc file