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Noughts
to sixes Session 2 - Why children misbehave
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1.Icebreaker
(10-15mins)
Last
week was intro + agreements; worth a look if new. This week: why
children misbehave.
In handbooks, clear that misbehaviour is not something children
normally do on purpose; it just means unacceptable behaviour
To get to know each others names; why called what you are?
2.
How we got on since last week (10-15mins)
Last
week we planned to notice how we react when our child does something
that upsets us. Let’s chat for a few minutes (in 2/3s) about how
we got on and what’s been happening during the week.
3.
Getting in touch (5-10mins)
Let’s look at this week’s topic. Turn to “Getting in touch” exercise
on page 16. Read it out. Now chat in 2/3s about the list. Feedback.
4.
Introducing the topic (10-15mins)
Play
video. Chat about reaction to the video in pairs for one minute.
Whole group.
Summary:
misbehaviour is attention seeking (whether conscious or not)
5.
Case studies (10-15mins)
Turn
to case studies on page 16, where there are two common situations
that parents have to deal with. In each case, you are asked two
questions, (read questions a and b). In 2/3s take about five minutes
to discuss each of these situations.
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6.
Improving your skills (20-30mins)
| a |
Now
we come to skills practise, so to start, would you all you’re
your arms in front of your chest. It is interesting to note
that we all have our own ways of being comfortable. Some of
us have our right hands tucked in and some have their left.
It’s the same with folding your hands in your lap. The purpose
of this exercise is to show us how we act in unthinking patterned
ways. Some of our automatic behaviour is unhelpful when it
comes to parenting. We often react in a fixed way, perhaps
the way our parents reacted to us. |
| b |
So how do we change an unhelpful behaviour? Psychologists
tell the first step is to become aware. |
| c |
First,
two volunteers are to act like squabbling children - who had
it first, etc. Now a volunteer parent is to get sucked in
and act in the way parents often do, scolding and trying to
sort it out, but not effectively. Ask volunteers how they
felt and group opinions. Can group see how children were rewarded
for squabbling? |
| d |
Now,
same situation, but this time parent will not get sucked in
and will be more effective. The parent is to withdraw and
confidently and calmly say” I trust you to sort this out”
or ”Give me the toy and when you’ve decided whose turn it
is, come back to me”. Same questions. De-role. |
7.
Planning for next week (7-8mins)
There are three stages in making a change - seen first stage is
awareness. Second is to make small, specific plan, preferably
written. So turn to page 17, Planning section. Read Q1 and
list. Write down plans. Talk about them, first in pairs
Third
stage in making a change is obvious - practise. Reassure that
it’s perfectly normal for new approach to feel unnatural and awkward
to start with.
8.
Summing up and feedback (5-10mins)
We’ve
been looking at why children misbehave and what we can do to prevent
it. Any feedback on how you found the session? What you liked
or found helpful or anything you were uncomfortable with?
Thanks for your cooperation and willingness to share. Read chapter
2 (encouraging your child) for next week.
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Noughts
to sixes Session 3 - Encouraging your child
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(Prime
two members of the group)
1.
Icebreaker (5mins)
Welcome.
This weeks topic is Encouragment. Everyone to call themselves
an encouraging adjective that begins with the same sound as
their name, eg Jolly Jo. Next person to say “that’s Jolly
Jo, and I’m ….” etc. [Do not allow negative adjectives!]
2.
How we got on since last week (15-30mins)
Last week was about misbehaviour and we made some
plans . Let’s chat for a few minutes (in 2/3s) about how you
got on during the week. We don’t expect huge changes in one
week - even an increase in awareness is great. After discussion
open out to whole group.
3.
Getting in touch (6-10mins)
Let’s look at this week’s topic. Turn to Table 2
on page 24. Read line 1 across the table. Ask everyone
to read table for themselves. Read question. It’s OK
if you mark the same thing on both sides. Now in different
2/3s chat for a few minutes about what you have ticked or
how you feel about these ideas. Whole group: What did you
find your weak points are? What times of day/situations bring
out the worst in you for scolding and nagging?
4.
Introducing the topic (10-15mins)
Show video. Chat in pairs about reaction
to video.
5.
Case studies (about 10mins)
Turn
now to case studies on page 25, where there are a few situations
where a child can be encouraged or discouraged. In groups
of 3 or 4 go through each example, one at a time. Don’t go
for just one solution each time; encourage each other to make
suggestions. 10 minutes
Open out if appropriate.
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6.
Skills practise (20-25mins)**
We
need to look now at the power of discouragement and encouragement.
Use outgoing members of the group. Sarah here has
just come home from the supermarket and her 3yr old [John]
is enthusiastic wants to help her put the eggs in the fridge.
First
time when child wants to help, he will refuse offers of help
and be impatient. [The parent is off-putting, impatient and
cross and tells the child to go off and do something else,
but child still wants to help.] Stop when illustration
of discouragement. Ask how both felt, especially child.
“Pushed away”? “belittled”? We do that to our children, without
even meaning to discourage.
Second
time, parent will slow down and make time to train the child.
They will lower expectations and be more positive and encouraging.
Ask how both felt. Comments from group.
What
seems to make all the difference is the conscious decision
to slow down and be patient and encouraging. Group agree?
7.
Planning (6-10mins)
Read
question. Ask to write down. Talk in pairs about them.
8.
Summing up and feedback (5-10mins)
We’ve
been looking at encouragement and we’ve made some plans to
build up and encourage our children. I wonder if there is
any feedback on how you’ve found the session? Anything you
have liked or found unhelpful? Anything you were uncomfortable
with?
Please
remember to practise and try and do something encouraging
every day. Thanks. Read chapter 3 for next week.
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Noughts
to sixes Session 4 - Listening means paying attention
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1.
Icebreaker (5-10mins)
Welcome.
Say name and something nice that happened to you this week.
Chinese whispers in circle. “Sip your soup slowly, if you
slurp it, some of it will slip out and make a slop”.
This week’s topic is listening. As that exercise just illustrated,
there is often a difference between what is said and what
is heard.
2.
How we got on since last week (15-30mins)
Last
week was about encouragement and how to help our children
become a little more responsible for themselves. Let’s chat
for a few minutes (in 2/3s) about how you got on during the
week. If you weren’t here last week talk about the last plans
that you made and how you got on with those.
3.
Getting in touch (5-10mins)
Let’s
look at this week’s topic. Turn to the “getting in touch”
section on page 34. Ask questions one by one.
So there are a lot of feelings going on inside that we can
easily miss. Now question two, one by one.
4.
Introducing the topic (10-15mins)
Show
video. Before we talk, can you have a look at table 3
on page 33 and tick one or two ways of listening you’d like
to use more often.
Anyone want to share or comment on video?
5.
Case studies (about 10mins)
We’re going to focus now on the most difficult kind
of listening to get used to, “play listening”. Explain
(saying little, listening with eyes, making odd comment, paying
attention when not demanded). Turn to the case studies
on page 34. Read question 1 and a) this is a question.
Part 2 and a) yellow spade, etc. Some comments may strike
you as dull and obvious but the point is children love this
attention and interest, even if they don’t show it.
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6.
Skills practise (20-25mins)
a)
Practise poor listening
Pairs - one listen/ one speak. Sit back to back and speak
for one minute about ways you like to spend your time. How
did that feel? (Felt like need to turn and look as we listen)
So this helps us to see how hard it is for children when we
don’t look at them.
Swap roles and talk about what you did last weekend. This
time the listener is to look anywhere except at the speaker.
How did this feel? Can see why children switch off if they
don’t receive our full attention.
b)
Practise positive listening
Get into new pairs and decide who will start as listener.
Talk for 2 mins about your pleasant and unpleasant memories
of primary school - the building, the teachers, your friends
or how you felt, anything. The other person listens, saying
very little. You can nod your head, encourage with your face,
say mmm, uh-huh, I know. Then the listener is to sum up to
the speaker what they have just said, including any feelings
that have been conveyed, but not necessarily spoken. The listener
is to check that they have understood correctly and the speaker
and clarify if necessary.
Reverse roles. How did it feel? What did you learn?
As
a group. Was it difficult? What helped you to talk? How did
you know you were being listened to? How did the summing up
make you feel? Marriage counsellors suggest this method to
help couples listen to each other more effectively!
7.
Planning (7-8mins)
Read
section and write down plans. Talk about them.
8.
Summing up and feedback (5-10mins)
We’ve
been looking at different ways of listening. Not just ears
but with touch, silence, our eyes, a word or two and above
all our attention. We’ve seen this is especially helpful when
children are upset and need to cry and when they’re not looking
for attention. Any feedback on how you’ve found the session?
Thanks. Read chapter 4 for next week.
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Noughts
to sixes Session 5 - Talking with your child
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1.
Icebreaker (5-10mins)
Welcome.
“my name is …. and one thing I’d like my child to learn from
me is …” No need to explain why.
This week - how we talk with our children and how we can be
models for them.
2.
How we got on since last week (15-30mins)
Last
week was about listening to our children. Let’s chat for a
few minutes (in 2/3s) about how we got on. If you weren’t
here last week talk about the last plans that you made and
how you got on with those. Large group - did anyone try play
listening? allow a child to cry?
3.
Getting in touch (5mins)
Let’s
get into pairs and look at this week’s topic. Turn to the
“getting in touch” section on page 41. Take a few mins to
go through the exercise together.
Obviously we need to give instructions/ corrections etc. But
something is wrong if most of what we say is one of these.
4.
Introducing the topic (10-20mins)
Show video. Summarise it. Before we talk,
can you have a look at table 4 on page 40. Read instructions.
Most people find it harder to identify positive things that
they say to their children, even though they are positive
a lot of the time. In 3s, chat for 5 minutes about your reaction
to the video and the table you’ve just marked.
5.
Case studies (about 10mins)
Page 41. Read Q1 and obtain answers. Now
in 2/3s have a quick look at Q2. Read Q2. The first
two are done, but you can chat and feel free to disagree with
them if you want to. Back as large group to discuss.
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6.
Skills practise (20-25mins)
a.
Now we come to skills practise, so to start, let’s practise
speaking respectfully. Let’s look at the second example in
the case studies. You might say “I’ve spent a lot of time
preparing dinner and it makes me mad when you don’t come”.
Ask someone to say this aggressively and snapping. Ask
someone else to say it calmly and respectfully. Can you
hear the differences? Any comments?
b.
Now, in 2/3s, talk about one situation with your child where
you tend to scold or speak aggressively. Allow a few minutes.
Sometimes it’s a matter of discipline, which we will cover
next week, but even then we can speak respectfully. Now in
your 2/3s discuss how you might be more respectful. Open
out to whole group. Role play using a real example and someone
playing the child. Ask people in role play and observers how
they felt. Ask group for ideas to handle problem and ask to
act out. Feedback - anything you noticed or learned?
7.
Planning (7-8mins)
Read
section and write down plans. Talk about them, first in pairs.
8.
Summing up and feedback (5-10mins)
We’ve
been looking at how we talk with our children, what’s helpful
and what isn’t. Any feedback on how you found the session?
What you liked or found helpful or anything you were uncomfortable
with?
Thanks. Read chapter 5 (discipline) for next week.
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Noughts
to sixes Session 6 - Discipline
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1.
Icebreaker (5mins)
Welcome.
Act out something (eg digging a hole) and say “I am playing
a guitar”. Next person has to act playing a guitar and tell
another lie, etc. This shows us that actions speak louder
than words.
2.
How we got on since last week (15-30mins)
Last
week was about how we speak with our children and we made
some plans. Let’s chat for a few minutes (in 2/3s) about how
we got on and what’s been happening during the week.
If you weren’t here last week talk about the last plans that
you made and how you got on with those. Large group - did
anyone try using I-messages? how about anything else we’ve
covered over the last few weeks?
3.
Getting in touch (5mins)
Let’s
look at this week’s topic, discipline. Turn to table 5 on
page 48. Do any of the examples in the first column remind
you of a situation you need to deal with? Feedback.
So now that we’ve seen examples of situations that need clearer
limits, let’s have a look at this week’s topic.
4.
Introducing the topic (10-15mins)
Show
video. Chat about reaction to the video in pairs. Whole
group.
Summary: choices and consequences. Note that consequences
are just explained ONCE.
5.
Case studies (about 10mins)
In
small groups, take about 10 mins to look at the Case Studies
on page 49, taking one question at a time.
Leave full group feedback until skills practise.
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6.
Skills practise (20-25mins)
a.
Now we come to skills practise, so to start, let’s practise
setting limits. Please form pairs. Take the situations in
Case Studies questions 1 and 2. In each pair, one of you is
to be the parent and is going to offer a choice. The other
person is to tell you if your tone of voice and body language
is coming across as respectful or aggressive. Feedback.
b. We’ve just been talking about situations where each of
you needs to set limits by offering a choice. Has anyone got
a real situation they would like to share? Ask Qs to explore
what child/parent says/does. Ask this person to act as their
child and another parent to act as the parent, based on what
they have just heard, so that we can understand it better.
Ask group to brainstorm solutions. Ask parent if happy to
act out solution to see how it feels. Feedback. De-role.
7.
Planning (7-8mins)
Read
section and write down plans. Talk about them, first in pairs.
8.
Summing up and feedback (5-10mins)
We’ve
been looking at setting boundaries and limits by offering
choices and allowing children to live with the consequences
of what they choose. Any feedback on how you found the session?
What you liked or found helpful or anything you were uncomfortable
with?
Thanks for your cooperation and willingness to share. Read
chapter 6 (quality time) for next week.
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Noughts
to sixes Session 7 - Quality time
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1.
Icebreaker (5-10mins)
Last week we looked at disciplining children. This
week it is about quality time and having fun. Give out
pieces of paper with different animals on. Each person has
to act out their animal without making a noise. [Cat, pig,
butterfly etc]
2.
How we got on since last week (15-30mins)
Last
week was about discipline and we made some plans. Let’s chat
for a few minutes (in 2/3s) about how we got on and what’s
been happening during the week.
If you weren’t here last week talk about the last plans that
you made and how you got on with those. Large group - did
anyone try using choices? consequences? Was it hard to make
the consequences not sound like punishments? Anything else?
3.
Getting in touch (5mins)
Let’s look at this week’s topic. Turn to table 6
on page 56. This shows 5 ways to create quality time in your
family. Question. Think for a minute. Feedback.
4.
Introducing the topic (10-15mins)
Show
video. Chat about reaction to the video in pairs. Whole
group.
Summary:
Book - 13 minutes per day. Attention and touch - 4 hugs per
day. Play-listening. Child leading play - “special time” -
20 minutes per week?
5.
Case studies (about 10mins)
We are going to focus on “play listening” now as
this isn’t something that comes naturally to most of us. There
are two different situations on page 57 - I’ll read the instructions.
Making a picture. Let’s see if you agree with how
the comments have been marked. Playing with water. One
by one. So, it is OK to make suggestions and give your
opinion to your child, but can you see the value in being
quieter and concentrating more on “noticing” comments?… (If
not, skills practise may help)
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6.
Skills practise (20-25mins)
a.
Now we come to skills practise, so to start, let’s practise
noticing what a child is doing and reflecting what we see.
Volunteer for child and parent. First time, parent is to do
all the things parents often do - make suggestions, “help”,
ask questions, give opinions, etc. How did it feel to be child?
Parent?
b.
Second time, parent will just quietly join in, get down to
eye level and “notice” the play with an occasional comment.
How did it feel to be child? Parent? Thanks.
7.
Planning (7-8mins)
Read
section and write down plans. Talk about them, first in pairs.
8.
Summing up and feedback (5-10mins)
We’ve
been looking at ways of building quality time into our family
life - time for fun, play, affection, games, stories, etc.
Any feedback on how you found the session? What you liked
or found helpful or anything you were uncomfortable with?
Thanks for your cooperation and willingness to share.
*Read the appendix (spiritual development) for next week.
*[Spiritual
development
There
is an eighth optional session on developing a spiritual dimension
in children and helping them to develop a sense of right and
wrong. It is aimed primarily at Christians but many parents
find it useful even when they are not coming from any kind
of religious background.]
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